Monday, August 24, 2009

The Flood

The other day, I sat at home and sobbed for the first time in a long time (well, a long time for me). I cried over the loss of a friendship, over knowing that my friend had been more important to me than I ever was to her.

I cried for the future friendships that would be colored by the incompatibility of my child with other children.

I cried for my old life, my pre-mommy life, my wonderful, selfish, career-oriented world in which the drama had nothing to do with autism.

I cried with resentment for my own son.

I cried for resenting him.

And then I heard a little voice from across the room: "Mommy, no, stop crying. Mommy, stop crying, pwease."

And of course, you know how I reacted to that.

Tears of joy.

3 comments:

  1. beautiful, meredith. sometimes kids remind us of how much love is in the world and how to reorient our perspective. i'm sorry you've had such challenges lately, but it sounds like (from the many blog entries i've read) that you have a gorgeous young boy with a big heart who is learning to be generous in spirit by watching his mom and the people who know him model kindnesses

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  2. This blog post has touched my heart as well. Life throws us challenges and the strong survive and not only survive but live, persevere and grow. You are an amazing mother and person!

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  3. I just wanted you to know that I learn something from every single one of your posts. Thanks for them.

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Keep it civil, people.