Friday, July 29, 2011


Like most little boys, Ryan loves to chase geese. Unlike most little boys, Ryan chases geese with a clear goal.

The goal is to drive the geese into the water. The plan of attack is to separate the flock, picking off a couple of birds at a time to shepherd into the pond, then circling back for another pass, and another. He is very efficient at goose herding.

The other day, Ryan insisted on finding some geese to chase. "We got to chase the goose-geese!" We went to a park with a large pond where you can always find a flock of no fewer than 100 geese, and Ryan got down to business. When he had successfully herded all the geese into the water, rather than celebrating his success, he got pissed off that there were no more birds to chase.

He ordered the geese to come out of the water; they ignored him. Then he asked me to get the goose-geese back on land. I told him I have no control over birds, and that I can't make a goose do something it doesn't want to do; this was unsatisfactory.

There were also a few ducks in the water, including cute little ducklings, in which Ryan had zero interest. Ryan decided that the geese should be on this side of the water and the ducks should be on that side. He told them the plan, but they just swam wherever they wanted.

Boyfriend was getting genuinely frustrated and mad at the disobedient birds. I suggested that the geese might be scared of him, since all their encounters involve him chasing them, and that maybe we should hang back and ignore them for a while so they wouldn't be scared anymore. Amazingly, this worked. As soon as the geese sensed Ryan was not about to chase them, they emerged from the water.

Then he chased them right back in.

And then he got mad that the geese were in the water...

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Keep it civil, people.