Sunday, April 22, 2012

Hey, look!

Ryan has just started calling our attention to things he finds interesting.

"Mommy, look! There's a flower!"

"Daddy, look a little bit! I made a square!"

"Look! The green fish is eating the letter Y!!!"

Your average toddler does this all the time. And I'm elated that Ryan has finally discovered the value in sharing things with us.

Along with this, he has discovered that if he calls out "Look, Mommy" when I'm in another room, he can get my attention. This is huge.

If this is such a wonderful turning point, why am I a little sad?

I tried looking at those daunting child development charts to get an idea of when neurotypical kids start to draw your attention to things, but it's such a basic element of being human that I didn't find a single such chart that even mentioned it. I remember why I stopped looking at those charts years ago: I got tired of their striking irrelevance to our lives smacking me in the face, dangling our Otherness in front of me. Reading what a typical two-year-old can do that my way-older-than-two-year-old struggled with or had not even begun to struggle with made me dwell on Ryan's delays and limitations instead of on his strengths and accomplishments.

So while I feel like I should be celebrating how far Ryan has come, I find myself choking back thoughts of finally, and what the hell took us so long to get here.

And why does my baby have to grow up so fast?

Captain No Teeth

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