Sunday, July 8, 2012

Welcome to Suburbia

"You seem very well. Things look peaceful.
I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know."
- Alannis Morrisette, "You Oughta Know"

Our new house is beautiful, like out of a decorator's magazine. It's the epitome of suburbia, complete with a white picket fence.

Ryan has handled his first week in the new house remarkably well. He loves splashing in the pool and rolling balls around the pool table and spraying the hose at the driveway. He sleeps perfectly, and has only asked to go to the old house a handful of times.

It probably helps him that he hasn't seen another child since we moved in.

But this does not help me.

At all.

I have been spiraling down into a depression the likes of which I haven't seen in a couple of years. I've spent much of the last week crying. I don't know anyone, and it's been so hot out that none of the neighbors are spending any time outside, so I've barely even seen anyone.

Intellectually I know that eventually things will improve - when Ryan starts school tomorrow I'll start to have basic human interaction; when the local derby league figures out when I can start with them I'll meet like-minded girls, maybe even make a friend; whenever I find a job to pay the expenses that go along with the apartment we still haven't been able to sell, I might have co-workers.

But for now, I just feel trapped in someone else's dream home, someone else's dream.


4 comments:

  1. Vixen von BruizenJuly 8, 2012 at 2:58 PM

    =(

    I'm so sorry Ouch. Changes are always so hard. You're strong though and each day is going to get better and easier. Until you get skating with CT, throw your gear on and find a local trail Skating it out will help get some of that anxious anxiety out!!

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  2. ^ I'm with stupid.

    Also: hugs.

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  3. Hugs! I suggest checking out the local library. Mine has a lot of kid activities during the summer, and I have met several mom-friends there. (plus it's air conditioned and may be where all the people with kids are hiding!)

    Good luck!

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  4. Hi Meredith,
    I am a good friend of Sarah P (your cousin) in Montreal, and a faithful reader of your blog. Sorry to hear you are having a rough time- don't know if positive thoughts from a total stranger will help, but wanted to let you know that I really enjoy and appreciate your blog. It's educated me to no end and I recommend it to many friends whenever autism comes up in conversation (and even when it doesn't!)
    Katherine, Montreal

    ReplyDelete

Keep it civil, people.