Monday, January 13, 2014

Catching up

So, um, Happy New Year. I know I've been scarce around here, what with all the personal demons to wrestle with, so I feel a catch-up post is in order.

The Nutcracker was a tremendous success for all involved. Miss Debbie really pulled the troops together. Ryan was in three dances, and was very proud of his three different costumes. First he was a solder battling the Rat King.

Ryan is the tiny one at center.
Then he got to do his beloved Russian Dance.
Photo by his teacher, who had much better seats than we did.
 And finally he was a melting snowflake.
Again, tiny one at center.

He was rightfully proud of himself.

After Nutcracker, there was another week of school, and then the dreaded Winter Break began. I am not a fan of school breaks, because the sudden change in schedule makes it really hard for Ryan to regulate his behaviors and emotions, and when Ryan feels distress, we all feel distress. This break was especially hard for me because I was still distraught over that whole never-being-able-to-play-roller-derby-again thing. Put me in a stressful situation and take away my primary coping mechanism, my mind goes to some pretty dark corners.

Then, after a full year of anticipation, Christmas finally came.
Then more vacation. We took a couple of train rides into the city, first to see The Gazillion Bubbles Show, and then to see the Radio City Christmas Spectacular. Ryan loved them both, and most especially enjoyed riding the train. And there was sledding and playdates and meltdowns and a birthday party, interspersed with daily pleas from Ryan to back to school. (Yes, my kid WANTS to go to school.)

Then when school finally resumed, there were 1 1/2 snow days and some tearing of hair. Then I started taking classes at a boxing/kickboxing gym to see if that will fill part of the derby-shaped hole in my life. My therapist has advised against relying on aggressive sports as a substitute for feeling my feelings, but I'm not yet convinced that it would be better to sit and mindfully observe my own sadness than to throw a solid punch.

We now return you to my regularly-scheduled life.

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